Defending Marriage Between One Man and One Woman...

The definition of marriage has come under attack over the past 20 years or so for a variety of reasons. When the U.S. Supreme Court (Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S.) approved marriage in 2015 between two gay men or two lesbian women, they made an unprecedented ruling in the history of America. Both sides of the argument agreed that the institution of marriage is important. They both recognize that marriage between two people has been the norm for millennia throughout the history of the world. But, the proponents of gay/lesbian marriage argue that it does not matter whether the two people in the marriage are of the same sex or of the opposite sex.

One of the claims by the gay marriage proponents is that if gay/lesbian couples cannot marry, they will be looked upon as “less than.” They claim there will be biases and prejudices against them in the workplace, the community, and the world at large. They used the Civil Rights Movement as an example of what could happen if gay marriage was not legalized.

At the Religious Freedom Annual Review at BYU on July 7, 2015, Alexander Dushku, addressed this topic of prejudice. He claimed that in the aftermath of the Supreme Court ruling of 2015, the path could go two different ways. One would be similar to the events after segregation was outlawed where anyone with a different opinion was regarded as a racist. Another possibility is that we follow the response after Roe v. Wade, where opponents could still stand up for being Pro-Life without being considered prejudiced.

In the 14 August 2014 BYU commencement address, Elder Russell M. Nelson spoke about how important it is for us to become defenders of marriage. Elder Nelson said, “The day is gone when you can be a quiet and comfortable Christian…We cannot yield…The future of marriage and of countless human lives will be determined by your willingness to bear solemn witness of the Lord and live according to His gospel.”

Elder Nelson reminds us to be kind and show charity towards others with differing life choices. He said, “They as children of God are our brothers and sisters. We value their rights and feelings. But we cannot condone efforts to change divine doctrine. It is not for man to change.”

Keeping the love alive...

Since divorce is prevalent today, we are all affected by it in one way or another. We may experience divorce firsthand, or it might happen to a close family member or friend. If we are asked what our position is on divorce, we would do well to look to our Church leaders for guidance on this topic. Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke in the April 2007 General Conference specifically on divorce. He gave some poignant counsel when he said, “Marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.”

I was married to my husband for 33 years before he passed away. There were times we were “married-in-name-only,” as Elder Oaks’ calls it. His remedy for this situation in a marriage is to join together as a couple for prayer and to plead for Heavenly Father’s help. He also says we can receive healing from the Atonement of Christ. When a couple prays together, they can become closer and renew a sense of marital harmony between one another.

Some other ways of keeping the love alive in your marriage is to spend time doing things together. It sounds simple, but you need to make a concerted effort and set aside time. Date night is always a great place to start. Simply going for a walk around the park and talking about your day is another way to be outside and enjoy nature with one another. Some couples like to do projects together or play games. Find what works for you, and then do it!

It is easy to fall into a rut during marriage, and let daily life take over. Sometimes couples “fall out of love” and feel they are no longer compatible. They believe this is a justifiable reason for divorce. Elder Oaks suggests that many couples don’t need a divorce, but repentance instead. He said that usually the marital discord is a result of selfishness. Elder Oaks advises husbands and wives to be best friends with one another. He also urges couples to be “…kind and considerate, sensitive to each other’s needs, always seeking to make each other happy. They should be partners in family finances, working together to regulate their desires for temporal things.”

Elder Oaks acknowledges that for some couples, divorce is the best solution. He said, “Whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can.” This is comforting counsel for those who are divorced and are seeking to find peace and comfort amidst the turmoil resulting from this difficult event in their life.

May we each have compassion for those that are divorced and not add to their heartache by making any judgments about their situation. It is not our place to speculate or wonder who did what, or why a couple have divorced. It is our opportunity to be loving, kind, and charitable. A close friend of mine divorced about 10 years ago. A young family in his ward “adopted” him and sat by him at Church for years. They became dear friends and have spent many years together in a loving friendship of acceptance and kindness. I believe the Savior would expect no less from each of us.

Dating in your 50's....

Dating in your 50's is definitely different than dating in your teens or 20's. By this time in your life, you have probably already been married, at least once. You probably have children, who are grown up and living their own lives.

As I started dating a year ago, I found that my interest in another marriage was for different reasons than the first time around. My husband passed away 5 years ago and I felt very self-sufficient and satisfied just focusing on my children and grandchildren. But as time went by, I realized I wanted a companion to spend my time with.

When you date someone later in life, you quickly understand that you both have a lifetime of experiences. You have a history, which usually includes previous spouses, children, grandchildren, health issues, retirement plans, etc...

Dating later in life can be a very rich experience, but just like the first time around, you need a lot of patience, understanding, and kindness. I find that I enjoy my new love interest in more simple aspects of life, such as going for walks, having long talks about anything and everything, doing projects together, traveling, and just having someone to talk to at the end of the day.