Keeping the love alive...

Since divorce is prevalent today, we are all affected by it in one way or another. We may experience divorce firsthand, or it might happen to a close family member or friend. If we are asked what our position is on divorce, we would do well to look to our Church leaders for guidance on this topic. Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke in the April 2007 General Conference specifically on divorce. He gave some poignant counsel when he said, “Marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.”

I was married to my husband for 33 years before he passed away. There were times we were “married-in-name-only,” as Elder Oaks’ calls it. His remedy for this situation in a marriage is to join together as a couple for prayer and to plead for Heavenly Father’s help. He also says we can receive healing from the Atonement of Christ. When a couple prays together, they can become closer and renew a sense of marital harmony between one another.

Some other ways of keeping the love alive in your marriage is to spend time doing things together. It sounds simple, but you need to make a concerted effort and set aside time. Date night is always a great place to start. Simply going for a walk around the park and talking about your day is another way to be outside and enjoy nature with one another. Some couples like to do projects together or play games. Find what works for you, and then do it!

It is easy to fall into a rut during marriage, and let daily life take over. Sometimes couples “fall out of love” and feel they are no longer compatible. They believe this is a justifiable reason for divorce. Elder Oaks suggests that many couples don’t need a divorce, but repentance instead. He said that usually the marital discord is a result of selfishness. Elder Oaks advises husbands and wives to be best friends with one another. He also urges couples to be “…kind and considerate, sensitive to each other’s needs, always seeking to make each other happy. They should be partners in family finances, working together to regulate their desires for temporal things.”

Elder Oaks acknowledges that for some couples, divorce is the best solution. He said, “Whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can.” This is comforting counsel for those who are divorced and are seeking to find peace and comfort amidst the turmoil resulting from this difficult event in their life.

May we each have compassion for those that are divorced and not add to their heartache by making any judgments about their situation. It is not our place to speculate or wonder who did what, or why a couple have divorced. It is our opportunity to be loving, kind, and charitable. A close friend of mine divorced about 10 years ago. A young family in his ward “adopted” him and sat by him at Church for years. They became dear friends and have spent many years together in a loving friendship of acceptance and kindness. I believe the Savior would expect no less from each of us.