Expanding our Family Circles

In the game of life, I got the winning hand on in-laws. I don’t know how I lucked out on this one, but I’ve had great in-laws throughout my entire life. My mother-in-law was sick and only lived a couple of years after my husband and I got married, and yet she was always happy and cheerful. My father-in-law was not particularly social, but when he re-married, I appreciated having another mother-in-law. We didn’t see them real often, but we always got along.

My husband loved my parents. For many years while our children were young, we spent Sunday evenings with my parents, just visiting and enjoying each other’s company. Our siblings and their spouses also enjoy getting together. On occasion we have differing opinions and don’t see eye-to-eye on things, but we are still loyal to one another.

 

One thing my parents did for their adult daughters and daughters-in-law was start an annual Sister’s Retreat in St. George. There are eight of us and we have done this trip for about 30 years. It is a highlight of our year. We love eating at restaurants, watching movies, playing games, hiking, talking, laughing, crying, and more laughing. The sisterly bonds we have forged during our St. George trips is unbreakable.

When my daughters got married, they added the next layer of in-laws. Each one married into wonderful families. Our sons-in-law are awesome. We enjoy being together for family events and vacations. It is fun to watch our adult children grow and develop in their relationships with one another.

My father-in-law passed away in 2012. After my husband passed away in 2014, I’ve taken the time to visit his step-mom a number of times. She is still one of my favorite people. We do not share the same religion, but we share a love of books and the outdoors. When I told her I was dating again, I shared with her how much I appreciated her example of being a wonderful step-mother-in-law. She always treated me with respect and kindness. She showed interest in me and my life. She was great with our children. She was “Grandma Katie” to them. She inspired me to pursue another marriage and what that all entails.

I’m learning that with a remarriage, there are many more layers. You don’t just have in-laws, but you now have step-children, step-grandchildren, and previous spouses. I spoke with a dear friend of mine during my new courtship. This friend and her husband both lost their first spouses and eventually married each other. When I asked her how you blend two families together, her response was: “You just learn to deal with it. You realize the family has just expanded.”

In the book, Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World," James M. Harper and Susanne Frost Olsen said, “Parents who try to create a climate of safety in which children can express their feelings about how involved they want to be will have the greatest potential for positive influence in their children’s and grandchildren’s lives.”

Even though the context of this quote is a little different with a blended family, the principle still applies. The more my new husband and I create a safe place for our children and grandchildren to express their feelings about this “new normal,” the more positive experiences we will enjoy with them, individually and collectively.