Walking side by side...

When I consider how couples manage the power within their marriage, I love the example of President Gordon B. Hinckley and his wife, Marjorie. Gordon B. Hinckley was a former president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In the October 2003 Ensign magazine, this wonderful couple was interviewed about their marriage relationship. Sister Hinckley was asked about her husband’s style of encouraging her. She said, “He never tells me what to do. He just lets me go. He has made me feel like a real person. He has encouraged me to do whatever makes me happy. He doesn’t try to rule or dominate me.” President Hinckley added, “I’ve tried to recognize my wife’s individuality, her personality, her desires, her background, her ambitions. Let her fly. Yes, let her fly! Let her develop her own talents. Let her do things her way. Get out of her way, and marvel at what she does…”

Other than the first 2 ½ years of marriage, I was a stay-at-home mom by choice. We had a more traditional marriage. My husband felt I should be responsible for everything to do with the house, while he provided for us financially, sometimes working an extra job or two to make ends meet during the lean years.

Because I was responsible for household matters, I had to learn how to deal with house and car repairs and maintenance, budgets and bills, and everything else that goes into running a home. At times I hated managing repairs or paying bills, but my husband trusted me completely to make wise decisions. I didn’t realize until later how important this was and how it prepared me for later events in my life. Even though we had more traditional roles, we approached major decisions together. Because I learned how to handle many things regarding our homes, I was able to manage selling and buying homes on my own after he passed away. One of my good friends told me that if her husband had passed away suddenly like mine did, she would have no idea what to do.

As I am getting ready for a second marriage, my fiancé and I did an assignment together reviewing who will make the major decisions in our home. Decisions this time around are a little more complex as we are dealing with ex-spouses, step-children, multiple homes, and issues regarding retirement in a few years. As we read through the list of decisions, we agreed that almost all of them would be made jointly. I am excited to embark on this new relationship as a committed team.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “In the marriage companionship there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man; neither does the man walk ahead of the woman. They walk side by side… ”