My parents were the picture-perfect model of a married
couple in love. They always held hands in public. They hugged and kissed each
other in front of us kids. Sometimes my dad would chase my mom around the house
as my mom giggled and squealed. There was no doubt in my mind that my parents
loved one another and enjoyed physical touch.
I don’t know if it was the era I grew up in, or my
parent’s style, but they did not prepare us children for sexual intimacy in our
own marriages. They never spoke to us about sexuality. I had no “sex” education
beyond the 5th grade maturation program at school, the romance books
I read or the movies I watched, and the little pamphlet my doctor gave me
before my marriage. I was woefully unprepared for this important part of
married life.
In the talk, Fulfilling
the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage, Sean E. Brotherson quotes President
Hugh B. Brown, who said, “Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar
almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned.
The sex instinct is not something which we need to fear or be ashamed of. It is
God-given and has a high and holy purpose… We want our young people to know
that sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not
be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage. There is no excuse for
approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of
its meaning and its high purpose.”
Brotherson shares his own experience as a young adult,
engaged to be married, learning about sexual intimacy. He said, “God would not
be very kind, in my opinion, if He were to create the means and the affection for
married couples to express love to each other sexually, yet deny us the
opportunity to gain the learning and wisdom we need to find fulfillment and
mutual joy in this critical aspect of married life.”
My husband and I made it a point to have discussions with
our children about sexual intimacy. From a young age, we had an open-dialogue
approach and would answer their questions appropriately depending on their age
and level of understanding.
We live in a world where intimacy and fidelity have
become so skewed, and perverted, that we must take the initiative as parents to
teach our children correct principles regarding this important, but sensitive
topic. Recently I was visiting my daughter who home-schools her children, who
are all girls. I happened to be there when they were studying sex education.
They had already been taught anatomy for both boys and girls. I was so proud of
the way my daughter taught sexual intimacy with a positive and uplifting approach.
There was an open discussion between her and her daughters.
Brotherson quotes LDS psychologist, Victor Cline, who
wrote in his book, How to Make a Good
Marriage Great, “…sex should be a celebration. It comes from God. He
created our sexual appetites and natures. He has ordained us to make love both
physically and spiritually. He is pleased when He sees us bonded together
sexually, in love… The sexual embrace should never be a chore or a duty, but a
loving part of a larger relationship. Of giving to our partner, cherishing, respecting,
protecting each other. It won’t always be easy. But the rewards can be
incredibly great if we choose to make them so.”
As I approach a second marriage with someone new to share
my life with, I find my concerns are different this time around. Obviously I am
educated in what sexual intimacy entails from my first marriage, but I will
have the opportunity to explore this important and special part of our
relationship with my new husband, hopefully bringing joy to one another through
all our expressions of love.
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